A Summer Discovering

This summer, I prayed that God would change my life. Renew my faith, give me new strength, and allow me to grow in ways I could never have imagined. As I prayed, I knew full well that this meant plenty of frustration, hardships, anxieties, and disappointments. But I also had faith that it would help me better understand God and my relationship with him, as well as encourage me to challenge myself as a leader and discover who I really am. That is why I've deemed this summer one of discovery. It is the cry of my heart to do God's will and be His servant, and in doing so, really figure out who I am as a person, and what I need to get out of this life.

I took the internship at Shandon this summer initially because it was what I'd always dreamed of doing my entire career in the youth group, not to mention it was practically handed to me. God is either blessing or cursing me with not having to interview for any of my jobs right now, because all the places I've worked for have handed me the position, have asked me to work for them, rather than the other way around.

When I dreamed of being the intern, it was solely because I wanted to help the kids in the youth group experience God the way it had helped me all those years. I wanted to be a constant for them, so that while the ministers came and went, they'd still have someone they trust to look to for comfort and wisdom. I felt needed, and wanted the opportunity to give to the kids I'd grown to love and discover what that would feel like from the other side.

Yet, this wasn't quite my heart when I initially agreed to this job. I'd held some bitterness from not being chosen as the fall intern, and I wasn't exactly eager to be used only because they needed me now. You could say I felt like a last resort for the church that had given me so much. But, God pushed me forward, and I agreed to look past my stupid ego and assist the youth group as best as I could this summer. It felt like a challenge for me to humble myself, remember my place, and let God teach me. Okay God, teach away. Work miracles.

Tonight, I finally reaped the benefits of being the intern, and understood why God has placed me here. It was the last night of Refuge, and Mr. Smoak was letting me "take the reins." I was in charge of it all. He gave me ideas of what he wanted it to look like, things to include, and left me in charge with Kristen, the middle school minister. It was to be a night of worship, testimonies, and prayer. The night would go as follows: The Loop News, Donut Game, Song, Song, Song, testimonies, Worship video, Worship video, prayer.

I had to tape the news twice (gladly, though) to include a student in it. She made it a thousand times better than when it was just me. The game ran smoothly, and worship was phenomenal. Then came the testimonies.

I was utterly blown away by the spiritual capacity of my youth group. The hearts of those kids are fully on fire for God, and honestly, I actually look to them for spiritual encouragement. They have faith stronger than most adults I know. Everyone went up to the mic with a confident story of how God has worked in their lives.

The prayer time completely broke me, though. There were many there tonight in need of support and comfort, who were hurting deeply and going through some of the worst life experiences. Everyone in the youth group reached out to everyone else tonight, and passionately prayed for one another. I can't even begin to describe the power in that moment. Tears were flying everywhere-- you'd think we were coming to a close of one of those spiritual growth camps (Student Life) where everyone felt the spirit move within them. Those in need looked to the others for comfort, and the others immediately responded with the perfect, most real prayers and affection you could ever imagine. There was no judgement, no awkward glances, no outcast stranger. In that room, there was only Christ and love. And that is the greatest gift a leader can possibly receive.